Have Your Own Thoughts and Beliefs

Having your own thoughts and things you believe in makes your personality more charming and interesting. No one likes a pushover who agrees to all that the people in his surroundings believe in. Investing all your efforts into conforming to what other people think is a lost cause as it makes you lose your own identity. Standing your ground for what you believe in presents you as a more confident individual. However, there is a fine line between being assertive and being aggressive when it comes to elaborating your thoughts and beliefs. What’s unfortunate is that a lot of us fail to realize when we have crossed the bounds of assertive and have entered the realm of aggressive. As per psychology, being assertive is a quality worth having, as long as it is being practiced in the right amount. The moment you push it a little further than required, you risk being judged as aggressive. On the other hand, if you practice it on rare occasions only, you present yourself as passive.

It has been shown with a study in the United States of America that one of the most prevailing weakness among the employees is linked to their assertiveness. While some of them are assertive to the extent of being aggressive while others are too passive about their thoughts, ideas, opinions, and beliefs. In simpler words, if you are too passive, it will be difficult for you to have a voice in a group of people. If you are aggressive, the other members of the group wouldn’t prefer having a conversation with you in the first place. Being the former pushes you to second them regardless of whether they are right or not; being the latter, on the other hand, creates a desire to shove your thoughts and beliefs down their throats even if you are wrong.

Taking this into consideration, we have devised a list of top strategies which can help a great deal in strengthening your assertiveness while steering clear of being aggressive.

 

Be Who You Are And Say What You Feel

The first rule of being assertive is to be straightforward and open in phrasing your feelings and what is it that you want without being irreverent towards anyone else. Being ambiguous with your words and leaving it up to the other person to extract the message that you intended to deliver is never a good idea. Avoid being loud while expressing yourself but being overly soft is not going to help either. Speak in a tone that you use generally while having a conversation. Lastly, make sure that you are expression isn’t coming out as a demand that commands the other people to comply. Emotional manipulation that pushes them into complying has a high risk of being backfired.

 

 

Put Your Efforts Into Being In Control

It is understandable that the conformations have a way of making you lose your calm and control. Nobody likes to be challenged especially when what’s being attacked are your long-held thoughts and beliefs. Under such circumstances, you need to remember that it is totally justified for you to be angry. You are even allowed to state it upfront. But reacting to that anger in a fashion that you’ll have to regret later is not a wise decision. Being assertive doesn’t require you to be loud while expressing your ideas, thoughts, and beliefs. By no means does it support violence of anyway. All of this fall in the category of being aggressive. For being assertive, it is imperative that you keep your calm. You can stand your ground, be upset about the confrontation, but all of it must proceed in a respectful manner.

 

Don’t Underestimate The Importance Of Eye Contact

Did you know that psychology tells us that you are more likely to get a positive response out of someone if you[restrict] hold a conversation with eye contact rather than the one without it? The reason is that regardless of culture, keeping eye contact is always construed as a sign of confidence. As evident, people are likely to take you seriously and show respect for your thoughts and beliefs if they perceive you as a confident individual. A word of caution, though. Always try to walk the line between eye contact and a stare. The moment you step into the realm of the latter, you will start to be perceived as rude and aggressive. As a rule of thumb, make it a habit to keep the eye contact for at least 70% of the duration while you are having a conversation.

 

There’s No Need To Attack Anyone

A common mistake that people make in an attempt to be assertive is starting the blame game. To avoid being aggressive, it is recommended to use sentences which focus on yourself and your own thoughts and beliefs rather than the ones which make people believe that they are being blamed or worse, attacked. For instance, it is always better to state, “I disagree” rather than going all out in telling them that they are mistaken. It’s more polite to say that I feel frustrated rather than directly blaming them for making you so. This is an impeccable fashion of keeping your response directed to the situation rather than putting the entire blame on them. Accusing someone is a way of coming out as aggressive and even hurting them along the process.

 

Your Body Language Says A Lot

Remember that communication is not all about words. There are major hints and implications which can be perceived by someone’s body language as well. For instance, if you are clenching your fists or your jaws, it has a clear implication that you are being aggressive. For being appropriately assertive, it is recommended to keep an upright yet relaxed posture. Avoid hacking into someone’s personal space but leaning a little bit towards them while having the argument can be effective as it shows your interest and respect towards their opinions and ideas as well. Keep it in mind that folded hands are usually translated as a sign of aggression. Lastly, your facial expressions should keep neutral and the hand gestures must not be overdone. It’s a lot to remember, yes. But once you practice hard and make a habit of it, all of it will start to flow naturally without a deliberate effort.

 

 

Step Out Of It For A While

People are different. Just because it’s convenient for someone to avoid being aggressive while elaborating his thoughts and beliefs, it doesn’t mean it is going to be the same for everyone. If you are familiar that you are easily frustrated or angered and have a history of reacting to such emotions inappropriately, the wise choice for you would be to take a time out. Get out and take a breath of fresh air. Tell them you need to use the bathroom. Leave that environment in general for a while. Once you have restored your emotions under your control, you will find it easier to get back and elaborate your thoughts and beliefs in a much calmer fashion. It will help you retain the assertiveness while removing aggression out of it.

 

Don’t Start Without A Background Check

Psychology has shown with research that you are more likely to be aggressive when you are not confident of your own thoughts and beliefs. When you are challenged and are required to defend yourself, assertiveness is the natural choice of weapon for people who believe in themselves, while aggression is the only option at the disposal of people who are not sure themselves, in the first place. This is why it’s indispensable to perform a thorough background check to support yourself rather than using aggression in hopes of intimidating someone into an agreement. For instance, if you are putting forward a request for promotion at your work, assertiveness requires you to have the facts and figures which highlight why you deserve to be promoted, at your disposal. Shouting “I have worked for this company 9 to 5 every day for the previous 2 years” to your boss’s face isn’t going to help anyone.

 

Conclusion

Putting an effort into strengthening your assertiveness while removing aggression is an impressive quality to have that can significantly improve your professional as well as your personal life. This is perhaps why assertiveness is almost always a core component of any course on communication and interpersonal skills. Once you develop this powerful skill, you will find it convenient to deliver your message and have it properly understood without being offended yourself or offending someone else along the way. It is quite common for people to keep switching between passive and aggressive in different situations that they are confronted with. A powerful personality, however, is the one that is able to keep its pointer stuck to the middle at most if not all of the times. The middle ground is assertiveness and this powerful personality can very well be you provided that you choose to put an effort into it.[/restrict]